Sometimes, there are people who come into our lives that burn so brightly, they can not stay with us. They burn fast and blue as we bask in their fierce heat until they flicker out as quickly as they came into our lives. Nine years ago, this was the eve of Keith’s flame drawing on that last bit of air. Yesterday, your beautiful Allison did the same. I’m not sure if it is the anniversary of Keith’s passing, the madness of this world, or just simply the knowledge of what you will face that has my heart aching as if it will explode from my chest, like it did that first night I spent alone in our bed the day he died. I know you are far more private than me and I am unsure as I type this as to whether I will make things worse for you or give you some sliver of peace. I do know that life goes by in the blink of an eye, and I have grown weary of writing eulogies of late. It is time to write to the living.
Zach and I had gone to a engagement shoot in Fells Point, in 2008, I think – time is a slippery thing. You were living on the sailboat at the time. I do remember that. After photographing the couple, we decided that sushi was in order. We went overboard with our order and decided to call in reinforcements. He called and you came over and saved us from our glutenous eyes and full bellies. It was on this day, you told us about someone special – that you might be sort of could be seriously dating. You were nervous about introducing us to her – how would she handle your ex and son? I couldn’t resist the urge to point out that we had been divorced longer than we had been married and Zach was all but grown up. What stuck with me the most that day was how good you looked, how happy you seemed. Happier than I had seen you in such a long time. This was the first time I knew of Allison.
Every time I saw the two of you together, I could see the magic. The US of you both. I could see all that she gave you, that your young selfish first wife never could. Allison brought out the best in you. You had a way of making her shine even brighter than she already did. I loved her for how deeply she loved you.
There was something special that happened as I got to know her. Allison had super powers. She had this knack of making me feel like I was a friend from way back. It was so easy to talk to her, any time, about any thing. I felt safe with her. She would get that devilish grin and twinkle in her eye when she turned the topic of conversation to you and me, before the US. It was as if she won the lottery or found gold, and wanted to show it off – and in so many ways, she had. We learned from our mistakes the first time around so we could get it right the second time.
My second time, my Keith – brace yourself for what is to come – the pain will never fully leave you. It lightens with time, yes – but there will always be something missing. I was in the funeral home making final arrangements for him. They let me spend time with his body and I cried, truly cried, for the first time since his death. I was still crying as I got in my car. Then you called. I remember telling you how much I loved you for letting me go. If you had never let me go, he would have never been in my life.
Sometimes, there are people who come into our lives that burn so brightly, they can not stay with us. You and I share the honor of standing closer to the flames than most people ever get. I would gladly do it again for the privilege of being part of Keith’s life. I will keep the light burning for Allison. They both had more than enough love for us to last the rest of our days.
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