My life was profoundly changed when Keith came into it. His energy was infectious. His enthusiasm contagious. Over the years, he wore off on me. I too could no longer just sit and wait for life to happen. Any thing I dreamed of doing, Keith would make happen. I may have lost him but I have found that he still is more than capable of making whatever I dream of doing happen, even now – four months into living my life without him.
Yesterday, I made my way to my first wedding shoot as a widow. As I cruised down route 50, a call came in. A potential bride had just been referred from Captain Iris of the Selina II. By the time I hung up the phone, we agreed to have me cover her wedding aboard the ship. Ten minutes later, I took another call. This one was from a woman who found herself with an old photo in a state of deterioration that led to it tearing in half. I set an appointment with her to do the restoration work. I have felt Keith with me all along – my spirit protector. Those two calls are just one of many moments that convince me of his presence. Despite missing him and despite struggling through the ups and downs of a life lived without him, I can not ignore the fact that at every turn and with every step, good fortune seems to follow me and so many others that Keith loved. Brandon got into his top pick for college. The stent was removed and the bile duct stayed open at my father’s last procedure. The EBay business flourishes under Agent Jay’s management. In just a few short months, my parents will be able to live together under the same roof again. My son Zach’s eczema has ebbed more than it ever has in years.
It lends itself to a strange melancholy joy, if there is such a thing. I spent Easter with family. Driving over to their house, I thought about the first time I invited Keith over to Easter dinner. “Would you like to come over for Easter? We’re having a honey glazed ham.” I said to him, to which he dead-pan asked me “What’s a Jewish dilemma?” I just looked at him and shrugged my shoulders because I had no clue. With that trademark mischievous glint in his eyes and gotcha-smirk on his face, he says “free ham”. I had to chuckle to myself as I loaded up on the family feast this Easter – not a ham in sight.
As she said grace, Aunt Bettse mentioned our lose along side our joy of two beautiful baby boys. I was smiling and feeling the tears at the same time. Back in December, I spent the afternoon with one of those babies to take his pictures. Keith was in the hospital then and was sad at the fact that he couldn’t come with me. “I wish I could go Cherish. I can always make the babies smile” he said as I left his room. There was so much truth in that – he always was magic around our little people.
Our new babies were the hit of the party. They were pampered and passed around and dolted on and I marveled at how happy they both were. Keith – my spirit protector – you still make the babies smile. You are with all of us. Even in your absence, you continue to profoundly change my life. I love you for that.
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