Five years ago at this time, Keith and I celebrated our wedding vows over brunch at Denny’s with our boys.
We originally planned to celebrate today on Times Square in New York City. We had a lot of plans. How often did we tell each other “plans are always subject to change”. Neither of us could grasp the magnitude of this change in plans. I’m not ready to face Times Square right now. I want to make it a more joyous occasion than it would be this year.
I do want to take a moment to grieve. I want to take a moment to breath in deep and let the tears fly. Then I want to keep doing what I’ve done all along – reflect on what Keith meant to me and move into the pages of whatever unwritten story my life holds.
Endless tales of love and loss have already been written. My story so far is just one more. But it doesn’t change how precious my personal book of love lost is to me.
For me, for Keith – our love was knowing that we could feel no greater joy than to see the other happy. Our love was filled with passionate fights and passionate affections. We reveled in each others victories and felt each other’s pain. Our love was a kind of magic.
I still feel it. It will never leave me. My lover and husband and business partner in crime. I feel his love just as strongly as I ever did. Our love. It fractured my spirit when he left and yet it strengthen my spirit so I could go on.
Every time I hear “My Heart Will Go On” I think of our love. I cry almost every time. It is what loving, losing, and moving on are all about.
Happy anniversary, my beloved Keith. Feel joy for me wherever you are. Because between these moment of sorrow and pain, I’m happy. It’s a kind of magic, isn’t it?